


Bad In Theory, Bad In Practice

by pinn



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-24
Updated: 2010-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinn/pseuds/pinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John confuses friendship with love and decides that Rodney's the one for him. It works out about as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad In Theory, Bad In Practice

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 'The Return' parts 1 and 2 as well as 'Sunday'. There was a team of betas that brought this into existence.

The sheer number of people at SGC is overwhelming. The first day they're back on Earth, John has to talk himself out of a panic attack at least three different times. Atlantis was a closed society and John one of its leaders, he knew everyone and everything. At SGC, he's just one of many and Jackson has to introduce him to everyone twice before he remembers any names.

His third day back at work, after everyone's scattered to their new jobs and new teams, John's making shadow puppets on the wall of his office and wondering if anyone else is as bored as him. His phone rings just as John masters an alligator and he curses.

"Deep space telemetry program, military operations, this is John."

"What?" Rodney asks, stunned.

"Hey. It's something that Landry's making all personnel do when they answer the phone. He wants us to seem more _professional_."

"Did you tell Landry that if you wanted to be a glorified secretary, you'd request a transfer to Washington?"

John laughs. "No."

"I'll give you a dollar if you do it."

"Wow, Rodney, a whole dollar. That would definitely make up for killing my career." John shakes his head. "Why are you calling?"

It turns out that Rodney's got no real reason to be calling; he's bored and wants to talk to someone who's not paid to listen to him. From then on, they talk every day. The first few times Rodney calls, John tries to put him off, says that he'll call him later when John's not at work. Rodney points out that if John were to add up all the hours he worked while on Atlantis, he would have enough comp time to not work for three months.

After that, John decides it's his patriotic duty to take ten minutes every day to make fun of Rodney. Hell, he even calls him sometimes, just to shake up Rodney's day.

They talk about Rodney's new lab (there's something to be said for unlimited supplies), how bad the food at SGC is (how hard is it to make decent gravy?), and why John keeps getting harassed by Wiccans every time he goes to the grocery store (Rodney claims it's because of John's pointy little ears).

What they don't talk about is Atlantis or Elizabeth or the Ancients running wild in their city.

Surprisingly, John only gets caught on the phone with Rodney once.

"A show about a high-school girl who's also a private detective? Rodney, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." John says as General Landry walks into his office unannounced one day.

General Landry raises an eyebrow at John as Rodney replies, "Yes, well, it's as bad as it sounds. I literally felt my IQ drop while I was watching it."

John drops the phone into the cradle just as Rodney launches into a disgruntled analysis of the CW's fall line-up and smiles at the General. Rodney's indignant e-mail in response is so gratifying that John decides to deliberately cut him off occasionally from now on. He also makes a point of closing his door whenever he's on the phone with Rodney from that day on.

 

+

 

Rodney's the first person that John feels comfortable enough around to say things like "When I was a kid, I wanted to play back-up for Willie Nelson" or "I think zombies could be a lot of fun."

It's a little unsettling, to say the least.

He hasn't felt like this since he met his ex-wife. When they first started dating and he'd get shipped out for training exercises, he'd think about her nonstop and fight with other guys to get to the pay phone to call her. But even then, he didn't talk to her nearly as much as he talks to Rodney now.

After a week of thinking about it and trying to figure out what this means, John decides he might have feelings for Rodney. He's pretty sure he doesn't want to marry Rodney but he thinks he might like something more than friendship.

He's not quite sure what to do with that realization so he just pushes it to the back of his mind and decides to think about it later.

Besides, he's got too much other stuff to worry about. Every day at SGC makes him feel older. He sees all the kids fighting to save the world, believing that they can change things, and he wonders when they'll learn that there's always going to be someone, in some galaxy, just waiting to take them down a notch.

The only other person who understands what it feels like is Rodney. Underneath all his bluster, John can hear the exhaustion in Rodney's voice and wonders how much longer they can both keep this up before something goes wrong, before someone gets injured.

 

+

 

Five weeks back and John's settled into a routine. He still misses Atlantis and Teyla and Ronon like he misses a phantom limb. He misses talking about Czech beer with Radek, playing solitaire on Elizabeth's computer, and trying to one-up Lorne's stories from the Academy.

Right around the time John decides to talk to Rodney about his feelings, they steal a jumper and take back what's rightfully theirs.

 

+

 

Later, after they've cleaned up the city and O'Neill has promised John that no mention of any of it will go in his record ("Not even the good parts?" John asks, and O'Neill squints at him. "Okay," John says hastily), John finds Rodney on the Southeast pier.

"Hey." John sits down beside Rodney and dangles his legs over the side.

"Hey."

They don't speak for awhile and John stares up at the Pegasus constellations, chanting the names under his breath. Eventually he looks at Rodney and says, "You know you're my best friend, right?"

"Aw, that's sweet. I wish I had known before we left Earth, I would have stopped by the mall and gotten us a BFF necklace, the kind with the heart that splits in the middle."

Rodney smirks and John slaps him upside the head. "Shut up. You're ruining the moment."

"What moment?"

John takes a deep breath, leans over and presses his lips against Rodney's. The kiss goes on for only a few seconds before McKay pulls away. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Rodney stares at him blankly.

John wrinkles his forehead. _Some genius_. "I'm kissing you."

"Why? You're straight and I'm straight. Straight men don't kiss each other."

John's beginning to think this wasn't his best idea. "Maybe I have feelings for you."

"John," Rodney sighs and rubs his forehead. "You don't have feelings for me."

"This is what I felt when I met my ex-wife."

"Now we know why the marriage didn't last. You confused love with friendship." Rodney shakes his head. "You truly are an emotional idiot."

"You don't have to be rude about it. You can just say you're not interested."

"Look," Rodney says patiently. "I used to see this all the time in grad school. You spend a lot of time with someone, you have a lot in common, and pretty soon you talk yourself into thinking there's something there and maybe you should have sex with them."

"Did that happen to you?"

"At least once a month, grad school can be very trying." Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "I never slept with any of them. I mean, they were my friends, people who actually liked me. You and I both know I'm not the easiest to get along with, I wasn't about to throw that away for good sex."

John raised an eyebrow.

"It's always good sex when I'm involved." Rodney said defensively.

John shuddered and Rodney yelled, "Ha! See what you did just there, you couldn't be less interested in me if you tried."

In all honesty, John had never really thought about what would happen after they kissed. Every time he tried to think about it, things had just sort of faded to black. That doesn't mean he doesn't want it, though.

"I never felt this way about any of my Air Force buddies, and we went through things that were a little more stressful than grad school."

"Of course you didn't. Not only does your government not allow you to have those feelings for other men, and I'm not saying that you currently possess those feelings for me, but you would die for them, right?"

"Yeah," John says sullenly.

"But you're not exactly about to call them just to talk, are you?"

"No."

"So they're like your brother."

"I don't know, I never had a brother."

"Neither did I but I know I never called Jeannie to debate graphic novels with her. Do you see what I'm trying to say here, Sheppard?"

"I think so."

Rodney puts his hand on John's shoulder. "What it comes down to, John, is that I'm just not interested. I'm flattered but not interested. Plus, there's Katie."

John looks down at the hand and rolls his eyes. This was definitely not one of his better ideas. "It's okay, Rodney. We're cool."

"Good." Rodney stands up and brushes his pants. "I'm heading in. Are you coming?"

John shakes his head. "I'm going to stay out here a little longer. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

+

 

A week later, after everyone's back and settled, John's trying to decide between meloo eggs and a fruit salad (and god, he's so glad be back in the Atlantis mess) when Katie Brown walks by. He turns to say hello and instead hears her say, "Hussy."

"Hey!" Katie keeps walking and John stares after her. There's only one reason she'd be calling him names right now. He walks out of the mess without eating breakfast and heads straight to Rodney's lab.

"Rodney, did you say anything to Katie about last week?" Over Rodney's shoulder, John sees Radek look up from his datapad quickly and then glance back down.

"No!" Rodney shrugs. "Not really."

"Rodney." John narrows his eyes.

"Well, I asked if she knew any emotionally distant, single scientists. I was trying to fix you up, but you know me, it sounded like I was asking her to fix ME up with someone. So, I had to explain that I was asking for you and then she wanted to know how I knew you wanted to date someone and I mentioned The Thing."

John clenches and unclenches his fists. He counts to ten and then to twenty. "Well, that's great. Thanks a lot. Not only did she call me a hussy in the mess but she's probably told everyone."

"A hussy, really?" God help him, Rodney's puffing up like a peacock.

"I hate you."

As John's walking out of the lab, Rodney calls out, "At least you don't think you're in love with me anymore."

John resists the urge to slam his head into the doorway. "No worries about that," he yells without turning or slowing down.

Two hours later, as John's looking over personnel files, Rodney hails him on his headset. John opens up communication and Rodney says, "I just talked to Katie and someone that she knew in grad school is coming in the next wave of people. Katie says this woman didn't make friends very easily in grad school. I think she's –"

John taps his headset off, leans back in his chair, and smiles. Sure, it's not as satisfying as hanging up on Rodney but it still feels pretty good.


End file.
